Argh. Argh. Fucking Argh.

right, this is the closest I'm ever going to come to a stereotypical LiveJournal angry/angsty teen post. I'm under 20 and listening to a dodgy nu-metal CD that seems to be almost solely about suicide, so that gets me past the entry requirements, I guess

(Edit: for some reason, theres a Muse track on the CD, with lyrics "Won't let you smother it, won't let you buy it". All too damn apt for what we did let happen to F1)

Today, Formula One died. Well, its not actually gone yet, but its as dead to me as can be. I've been repressing this one for 5 months now.

I supported Jordan (http://www.f1jordan.com) from their foundation in 1991 until January 2005. The day they were sold was the day their soul died.

I'm not religious (I have No Religion. Not atheist, just No Religion), I'm not even spiritual. However, I definately think that an entity can have a soul. BeOS definately has a soul, driven by the OS, its developers, and the user base. The football team I support, Brighton and Hove Albion, has a soul; mainly from the fans pulling it through the (extremely damn) hard times in the mid 1990's.

However, Jordan had far more of a soul than any of this. Jordan wasn't an F1 team. It wasn't even a lifestyle. It was part of my life, and part of the lives of many, many other people. The company cared for the fans, the fans cared for the company. At GP's, the PR people would randomly dig out Irish fans for pit passes, party entrance, etc. All of this turned a GP (which is actually pretty boring if the atmosphere is bad) into a huge event, a family event also.

Jordan got into you like it was a member of your family, or at least an extremely close friend. For a fair while, I ran a Jordan fans site (not fansite...), which I had to hand over for time reasons. It eventually spawned http://www.jordanfansonline.com , pretty much the only officially recognised fans site, and mentioned in the official club magazine. Oh, the magazine was another thing about it being part of you...

Jordan, in their heydey, did a lot more than F1. You wore Jordan - full clothes range. You drank Jordan - they made energy drinks. You read Jordan - books, magazines, etc. And so on. Damn, I'm starting to wander here...

Anyway, another reason Jordan had such a special meaning to me was that it was IRISH. In the early 1990's, after the buzz of Italia '90, having our own F1 team, especially from 93-95 when they ran with an IRISH driver. When you supported them, you had the country with you.

Jordan did excellently for a new team in 1991. And then terribly in 1992. And pretty much the entire time they were competitive after that was a struggle - do well for a while, then drop again. Loads of second places that could have been first. Losing good drivers for lack of cash. Cars being punted off the track when doing well. But then we had Spa 98.

Spa 98

Sorry, just have to repeat that again

Spa 98

If you have any idea what I'm talking about, no more explanation is needed

Then Italy and France 99.

Then nothing.

Suddenly, theres a lot less supporters around. But theres still a buzz. Theres still massive post-race parties. Theres still random acts of insanity like impromptu concerts with EJ on drums. Theres little in the way of results on track, and serious financial/driver/engine issues. But the team still has a SOUL

Brazil 2003. A fluke, but my fuck it was amazing.

And then we hit January 2005. The team is sold. To a Russian. Who's moving it, changing race licence nationality and name. And theres nothing the fans can do about it - its a done deal, its prepared, its finito. We're fucked.

It feels like part of myself has been ripped from me. The team thats, to quote New Order "you took my time and you took my money", isn't the team I supported anyway. Theres not going to be any parties at races; theres going to be no more tours of the facility after Silverstone; theres going to be no more blagging your way into the pits because you've got an Irish accent and yellow hair. No more nail biting weekends, no more Brazil 2003-like weeks of anguish. Nothing. Its gone. Its dead.

I resign from JFO, fuck all that I've done there in the past few years anyway. I still wear my Jordan stuff on occasion, but I've not touched any of the Jordan Toyota gear, or anything with new sponsors on it. My hair is still yellow, because I've grown extremely used to it like that. I ignore 'Midland' for a while. And then we hit today, where Midland race as one of the three teams on the circuit at Indy.

Eddie wouldn't have raced.